some things:
I've been home a week, which means (due to weather) that I've been in the house a week. And though it's so nice to be home I feel unsettled...almost sick to my stomach. I feel like those older, wise people who claim that, "something's coming, i can feel it in my bones!" But in a way I do. I feel that something is happening and changing. This has happened before and I'm not sure that I can remember anything coming of it, but I feel strongly that something is coming. (maybe it's the snow)
some thoughts on life:
Have you ever stepped outside of your life and viewed yourself as an outsider. It's quite revealing or rather enlightening. It gives one an amazing amount of perspective. I see myself going to school, writing papers, walking around campus, and it all seems so silly. I'm not even sure why. I think that when I see how much I walk in the treads of everyone else, it makes me really want to have a darn good reason for doing so. For instance college, millions of students attend college and get degrees. But why am I going to college. It's part of our socialization, and I don't need to try be some elitist nonconformist, but really if I'm going to be a part of something that in all reality is a privilege, I want to have a reason why. I don't want your reason, or society's reason, I want my own reason. This sounds like a typical college student quandry, but look at everything you do in life. It's all been done before it's nothing different than anyone else. What makes it yours is your reason for doing it. So why? Why do I do the things I do and pursue the things I do? Why do you go to your job? Why do you do what you do? Sometimes it's really good to be reminded how small you are. To be reminded that you really are one among millions and on the flip side it reveals how important your life is with the knowledge that it is so small. does that make sense?
