Christians of the OT

It seems like lately I've become especially aware of the huge emphasis contemporary Christians place on Jesus Christ.  

What?!  Now that I have your attention, let me explain.  There's nothing wrong with this, it just seems that in attempt to embrace the act of the Crucifixion and Resurrection, people are solely embracing Jesus Christ in their faith and not God the Father.  I've been listening to the words of contemporary praise music and a great deal of it is focused on the crucifixion and the fact that our sins are on the cross.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I can't help but wonder how many of us church-raised, private school educated youth can truly grasp the magnitude of this concept.  How many of us have fallen so deeply that we are hounded by the guilt of our sin?  I'm not saying we don't sin, I'm just wondering  how much we understand and can truly appreciate the forgiveness of sins.  At the risk of being shunned, I would say that lately I've realized how meaningless/trivialized this has become for me.  So, if then we are not drawn by the forgiveness of sins, we must be pulled to the cross by a desire for heaven...escape from damnation.  Security to the ageless question of life after death.  

This seems so shallow to base a faith on.  I heard someone comment the other day that it wasn't until Jesus that people could truly know God.  Again, I wonder...would contemporary Christians believe in God if it were not for the cross?  No...(obviously because most are gentiles...but lets ignore that barrier for a moment), I can't help but think they wouldn't.   Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I dont believe in Jesus Christ.  I believe in the full power and authority of the trinity.   But what I'm saying here is what holds us to our faith sans NT redemption plot?  

I guess lately I've really valued the Old Testament account.  Over and over we're given inspirational examples of flawed people who had no promise of security, but still lived with a belief in their creator as the God almighty.   This faith must be made of a different substance than some of the faith of today.  A faith that says, this may be all there is, but I still bow to the creator of my life and still hope in  his power...whatever that might look like.   Interesting.

"Delicous Despair"

I've been reading a book...or rather a few books on Martin Luther.  And in reading them I am finding a source of encouragement that I could not have found anywhere else.  Luther for all the glory stories one hears was in barest form a weak, imperfect, doubting, and struggling man who was obsessed with God.  In Martin Marty's (yes his name truly is Martin Marty) book on Luther, he focuses on a single word that Luther clung to and that was the german word, "anfechtungen."  Marty writes that "anfechtungen" can only be translated as "the spiritual assaults that kept people from finding certainty in a loving God. (Marty 23)"  

     Anfechtungen is imploring, it is questioning, it is begging for truth...to know for certain that the truth we have is the ultimate truth.  Luther was man torn by doubt, he was a depressed soul who was not satisfied with the answers he received from man.  Yet Luther believed that this doubting and questioning was from God and that as he, "despaired he was concurrently given grace to probe more deeply and, in each encounter, to find  a way to discern a profound divine purpose. (Marty 24)"  To Luther this plight of "anfechtungen" was a gift.  He called it, "delicious despair."  

The book goes on to describe Luther's interpretation of the story of Jacob wrestling with God.  (Really you might as well just read the book, but at the chance you don't I'll continue to sum)  Luther empathized strongly with Jacob.  Luther believes that Jacob's struggle was "not against flesh, blood, the devil, and a good angel but against God appearing in hostile form. (25)"  The interpretation may seem...well obvious.  But as I read it, I saw a young Luther, who felt guilt and shame for seeing his Almighty God as an attacker...as hostile and I resonated with him.  

    "Delicious Despair."  I won't be thinking of the 95 thesis when Luther's name is mentioned anymore, I will be remembering "anfechtungen."  I am encouraged by this.  I am encouraged to relish the painful questioning times in faith, I am encouraged to remain faithful and continue to serve God whether He is near or far.  To walk forward even as I question.

                     

A suggestion: read, "Martin Luther," by Martin Marty

a poem

I came across a thought

That wouldn’t be pushed away

 It wouldn’t fall silent

Or be buried amongst the rest

It stood in my mind

Constantly prodding

Pinching

Whispering disbelief

To my unbending mind

 

I told it go

I ignored it

Trying to choke it into submission

But it remained

A seed of disbelief

Growing undeterred 

billy and the new year

This is billy.  billy is my cat.  I feel like I'm five writing this, I'm not normally a person who gets attached to pets, but billy is an exception.  All this to say, Billy is pretty sick and despite this being sardonic i can't help but laugh.  Not in a happy way, but at the irony.  It's the new year right?  Well it's off to a slam-bang start.  New Year's Eve I went to bed sick and wasn't feeling good on New Year's Day. (sick not a hangover).  And now my cat's sick and possibly dying?!  really?  wow.   

    I'm sorry i can't write an epic "it's the new year" blog.  I finished last year disappointed with a lot of things in life: school, church, the concept of Christmas, friends, even God.  Now I'm starting a new year and would like to think about a vision, something to work for or hope for...but i just can't do it.

I'm not writing this to say "poor me."  (maybe a little bit).  I'm writing this to say...life is not a movie.  It doesn't pan out according to a typical time-line.  Things don't always happen hollywood style.  I guess life is what you make it...if you have the guts to do so.  Life isn't meant to be lived by pasting a fake grin on and charging through it (i've done that far too much)!   Life is learning how to genuinely smile each day despite the ugly and to savor each day without rushing through it.

I know better how not to live life than I do know how to live.  I know the answers I've been fed.  But I, I honestly right now don't how to live my life.

I don't know what all this is working towards.

But i do know that as I'm sitting sick in bed with my skinny sick cat sleeping beside me, that tomorrow really is a new day and tomorrow i will get up and attempt to live my life and not repeat last years blunders.  

Here's to learning from mistakes and taking steps