"Delicous Despair"

I've been reading a book...or rather a few books on Martin Luther.  And in reading them I am finding a source of encouragement that I could not have found anywhere else.  Luther for all the glory stories one hears was in barest form a weak, imperfect, doubting, and struggling man who was obsessed with God.  In Martin Marty's (yes his name truly is Martin Marty) book on Luther, he focuses on a single word that Luther clung to and that was the german word, "anfechtungen."  Marty writes that "anfechtungen" can only be translated as "the spiritual assaults that kept people from finding certainty in a loving God. (Marty 23)"  

     Anfechtungen is imploring, it is questioning, it is begging for truth...to know for certain that the truth we have is the ultimate truth.  Luther was man torn by doubt, he was a depressed soul who was not satisfied with the answers he received from man.  Yet Luther believed that this doubting and questioning was from God and that as he, "despaired he was concurrently given grace to probe more deeply and, in each encounter, to find  a way to discern a profound divine purpose. (Marty 24)"  To Luther this plight of "anfechtungen" was a gift.  He called it, "delicious despair."  

The book goes on to describe Luther's interpretation of the story of Jacob wrestling with God.  (Really you might as well just read the book, but at the chance you don't I'll continue to sum)  Luther empathized strongly with Jacob.  Luther believes that Jacob's struggle was "not against flesh, blood, the devil, and a good angel but against God appearing in hostile form. (25)"  The interpretation may seem...well obvious.  But as I read it, I saw a young Luther, who felt guilt and shame for seeing his Almighty God as an attacker...as hostile and I resonated with him.  

    "Delicious Despair."  I won't be thinking of the 95 thesis when Luther's name is mentioned anymore, I will be remembering "anfechtungen."  I am encouraged by this.  I am encouraged to relish the painful questioning times in faith, I am encouraged to remain faithful and continue to serve God whether He is near or far.  To walk forward even as I question.

                     

A suggestion: read, "Martin Luther," by Martin Marty