billy and the new year

This is billy.  billy is my cat.  I feel like I'm five writing this, I'm not normally a person who gets attached to pets, but billy is an exception.  All this to say, Billy is pretty sick and despite this being sardonic i can't help but laugh.  Not in a happy way, but at the irony.  It's the new year right?  Well it's off to a slam-bang start.  New Year's Eve I went to bed sick and wasn't feeling good on New Year's Day. (sick not a hangover).  And now my cat's sick and possibly dying?!  really?  wow.   

    I'm sorry i can't write an epic "it's the new year" blog.  I finished last year disappointed with a lot of things in life: school, church, the concept of Christmas, friends, even God.  Now I'm starting a new year and would like to think about a vision, something to work for or hope for...but i just can't do it.

I'm not writing this to say "poor me."  (maybe a little bit).  I'm writing this to say...life is not a movie.  It doesn't pan out according to a typical time-line.  Things don't always happen hollywood style.  I guess life is what you make it...if you have the guts to do so.  Life isn't meant to be lived by pasting a fake grin on and charging through it (i've done that far too much)!   Life is learning how to genuinely smile each day despite the ugly and to savor each day without rushing through it.

I know better how not to live life than I do know how to live.  I know the answers I've been fed.  But I, I honestly right now don't how to live my life.

I don't know what all this is working towards.

But i do know that as I'm sitting sick in bed with my skinny sick cat sleeping beside me, that tomorrow really is a new day and tomorrow i will get up and attempt to live my life and not repeat last years blunders.  

Here's to learning from mistakes and taking steps